


Scars

by Crustuu



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Not a Light Fic, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, i really went into tokos thoughts, i try to give each part a soft ending, short more nsfw scene but it doesnt go into it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28637313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crustuu/pseuds/Crustuu
Summary: Heavy trigger warning for self harm and a smaller but still important trigger warning for suicidal thoughts. This includes the summary.Second chapter also starts out slightly nsfw, but nothing really happens. Just used as an in character set up.~-♥-~Toko and Syo share scars, which have deep meanings for both. With said meanings, they both feel disgusting for them.Their girlfriend, Komaru, just wants them to know she loves them more than anything.
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Genocider Syo | Genocide Jack/Naegi Komaru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 105





	1. Toko's Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Small A/N, probably the only one for this fic.  
> This is a fic I made partially to cope with my own issues, please be nice about this one.  
> It's very apparent this is a more personal piece, with how I get with the language for this part.
> 
> Second chapter will be out later today, I need to check over it and make sure it's finished before posting so it's not gonna be out at the same time as this one.

Toko stood in front of the bathroom sink, hand shaking as it grasped the cuff of her shirt. She didn’t want to look, the thought alone making her sick already, but she needed to remind herself. Remind herself how unlovable she is, remind herself how much everyone hates her. Remind her how much she hates herself.

She slowly slid the long sleeve up, revealing the gallery of cuts in her arm. Each slash a reminder of how worthless she was, of how much she shouldn’t be on this planet. Toko rubbed a pair of fingers over the scarred skin, a tear landing on flawed skin as she took each individual cut in.

She was unlovable, nobody would want someone as grossly thin as her, with greasy hair like hers. Toko shakily moved the other sleeve down, revealing another flesh cutting board. The scars that marred her arms were a reminder to anyone who was foolish enough to try and be interested. It was like sleeves painted on by a cat’s claws. Reminders of how not even her parents had loved her.

They should’ve just succeeded in drowning her.

The thought wormed its way into Toko’s mind, making tears flow harder. She shook, remembering Syo’s scissors were on them at all times. She needed a reminder. Another one. To remind her how foolish she was thinking anyone could care for her. To ever even think she could find companionship in the same sex.

A pair of scissors were taken out silently, angled with the precision of someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Dots of pink blood surfaced, making Toko look away. Oh right, blood. This is why Toko can only leave one reminder at a time. She could feel the faint line forming across her skin. The warmth of the action was so familiar that it was almost comforting. The scissors were gently put down as she waited for the blood to dry untouched, so she could force herself to look at it. The reminder meant nothing if she couldn’t drill it in her head.

She didn’t hear the several spaced out knocks from her friend. She also didn’t hear the door creak open as the girl called her name gently. She was focussed on the process. She only took in the other girl’s presence when she gently took hold of Toko’s free hand. The older girl was shaking profusely.

“T-Toko..? What did you do?” Toko just stared back blankly.

_You were never supposed to see this._

_Now you’ll hate me._

_You’ll never love me because you’ve seen I’m too worn to be loved._

_Too discarded. Too ugly. Too insignificant. Too weak. Too pathetic._

_I’m a disgusting pig who doesn’t deserve love, and now you know._

Toko didn’t remember crying. Technically, she had been the whole time. But when Komaru asked her question, the floodgates had opened. She sobbed with her ugly, unlovable face. The sobs had to have made her look even worse. Toko closed her eyes and held her head tightly.

She nearly screamed when she felt soft arms begin to wrap around her. It’s not like she hated it. In fact, it was one of the things she had wanted the most. She wanted to scream because she never expected it to happen. Not when she was this disgusting, not even putting up any of her usual masks. But the comforting embrace took her in all the same, and she just sank into it. She made sure to tilt her freshly opened arm so as to not stain Komaru’s outfit with her imperfection. Komaru gently tightened the hug, moving a hand to pet Toko’s hair. This was her breaking point.

A guttural scream erupted from within Toko. Years of trauma and abuse and other mistreatment surfacing all at once. Even after she quieted down, she still let out gasps and wails into Komaru’s shirt. She was so repulsive right now, the raw result of humanity’s worst side. And even so, Komaru continued to stroke her hair and keep a tight yet gentle and reassuring grasp on her. After god knows how long, Toko finally began to calm down. She was just letting out ragged breaths as she attempted to control it, to try and save her appearance way too late.

“I-I’m s-so so-orry-y.” Toko managed to choke the words out, the energy they took almost plunging her back into crying. “I-I’m so d-disgus-s-sting… Y-You don-n’t des-serve the displeas-s-sure of dealin-ng with m-me.” Toko leaned into Komaru, still greedily looking for support. Her mind told her to push away. She was taking too much. Komaru would never even look at her again at this rate.

“You don’t need to apologize.” Komaru said, squeezing Toko quickly. “It’s okay, I’m here. You don’t need to feel guilty.” Toko nearly fainted at the kindness in her words. She had to be lying.

_Yeah, she’s lying._

_Nobody could ever care for someone like you._

_Your brain houses a serial killer, you’ve let her hear your many, many unsavory thoughts._

_You tried trading her sanity for someone who didn’t even care about your well being._

_She could never, ever, ever, ever love you._

Before Toko could fall back into the sobs, she felt another gentle squeeze. “Toko, may I pick you up?” The words were gentle, soft like cotton candy. She had been around Komaru long enough to not doubt the words for even a second. In response, Toko just shook her head yes, letting out a raspy hum to go along with it.

As soon as she had consented, Toko felt herself being hoisted upward. She wrapped her legs around Komaru’s waist and her arms on top of Komaru’s shoulders. It helped add stability while she held up the shockingly light girl. Toko closed her eyes, voices butting in once again.

_This isn’t going to end up good, you idiot._

_She’s just going to throw you out the front door of your makeshift home._

_Then she’ll yell at you for being such a disgusting selfish pig._

_She never wants to see you again. That’s why she held you close, so your ugly face didn’t risk getting in her line of sight._

The voices were forced out once she felt her butt hit soft bedding. Her eyes opened to seeing she was in their room. She half expected to be thrown on the bed, to be discarded and locked in as punishment for harming herself. Locked in a dark, lonely room. Her heart pounded as she remembered the scarring event. But in reality, she stayed in Komaru’s grasp. She tightened her grasp on the other girl. She didn’t want to be discarded.

“Toko?” Komaru said her name gently, her voice not edged with any expected hatred or disgust. Toko felt herself relax, yet grip further anyways. She hummed again, her throat not yet being able to handle real words. “I’m going to put you down now, okay?” Toko didn’t respond for a bit, holding her grip on the other girl for what felt like ages longer. But eventually she let go, her way of letting Komaru know it was okay.

Toko let herself slide on the bed limply, only staring at the ceiling. Her heart thumped, she couldn’t look at Komaru. She gained faint awareness of the fact that her sleeves were still rolled up, her reminders on full display for Komaru. The instant she processed this, she moved to slide her sleeves back down. She didn’t even touch the cuff of her left sleeve, instead freezing at seeing the slightly smudged blood of today’s reminder. It was strong in her mind.

_Komaru doesn’t love you._

The shaking started again, but she felt the bed shift as another body crawled onto it, a hand sliding to gently rub the old scars around the newest one. Finally, she looked up at the owner of the hand. She looked at Komaru. The younger girl’s eyes were wet, pupils flooding with concern. “K-Komaru I-”

Before she could finish another apology, she watched as Komaru stretched out her arm. She felt soft lips meet the collection of scars once, twice, three times… She kept going until almost every scar had been kissed. Toko tensed, but despite the physical response she actually felt calmed by the action. It was as if she were being forgiven for being disgusting, for being a mistake that should’ve just died. Her heart thumped again. A beat for Komaru.

“Do you want me to pull your sleeve up?” Toko nodded gently at her question, making Komaru carefully slide up the sleeve. Next she replicated her actions onto the right arm. Slowly, the weight on her arms that she had never recognized had faded. Her right sleeve slid up, and Komaru held their hands together in between them. She cocked her head, face still clearly concerned.

“Are you okay?” Komaru asked, her voice simultaneously calming Toko and sending fear through her entire being.

“N-No.” She shook her head as she spoke, looking down on the bed where their hands were.

“Do you want to talk about it? Why… Why you did what you did today?” Toko just stared at their hands, subconsciously gripping the other girls hands harder. She didn’t feel like she should tell her, what if it makes things worse? But the tone the younger girl had stuck with Toko. She could trust her, she just needed the rejection upfront.

“B-Because I n-need the reminder. T-To be remin-nded you’d n-never…” Toko paused, the word stuck in her throat. Komaru was about to ask for clarification, but Toko spoke up again before she could.

“I n-needed to be punished t-to be reminded you’d n-never love me.” Toko could feel flush spread across her face as she finished the words. She expected Komaru to finally give her a disgusted reaction, to chastise her for thinking that way for her friend, let alone a friend of the same sex. She flinched in preparation as Komaru withdrew one of her hands. But instead of a slap, the hand moved slowly to cup her face, moving her head up to make eye contact with Komaru. She jumped, eyes widening as she felt the soft lips that had just soothed her wrists meet her chapped lips. The contact was brief, but she missed it the second it left. Komaru kept her hand on Toko’s face and the older girl leaned on it for support.

“I love you so much Toko.” Komaru squeezed the hand she still held as she spoke. “I don’t want you to think otherwise.” Toko stared silently.

“A-Are you sure..? I-I mean, how could y-you love someone as dis-sgusting as me?” The words poured out absent-mindedly. Her mental wounds were just as fresh as the physical one, and it was too much to process the simple words ‘I love you.’ Komaru leaned forward and pecked her tear-stained cheek, as if she had been reading the other’s mind and knew what reassurance she needed.

“I’m sure, and you’re not disgusting, Toki.” Instead of the usual discomfort she feigned felt at the nickname, Toko melted hearing it in this context. Only someone who cared about her would give her one. “You’re so very beautiful to me, in so many ways that I can’t even begin to say.” Komaru drew her hands back, nearly earning a whimper from Toko, before she moved the older girl forward and into her lap.

Toko curled into the girl, who cradled her gently and so, so lovingly. “I really do love you, I’ll kiss you every day if you need a reminder.” Toko nuzzled into Komaru’s collarbone as she spoke, managing to giggle lightly as the affection pierced her walls. “What?” Komaru asked playfully once the giggles made their way to her ears.

“You’re so you, O-Omaru.” Toko hummed a kiss onto Komaru’s neck. “You’re too s-sweet for me to stay sad.” It was mostly true. Of course, it had taken a while for her sweetness to cheer her up, but now that it had gotten to her and she had been reassured, she felt as if she were on cloud nine. She gave another low giggle.

“I’m glad.” Komaru’s voice was light as she spoke. “All I want to do is make you happy.” She folded around Toko slightly, a satisfied hum coming from the older girl.

“You already do.”


	2. Syo's Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the one that starts off pretty nsfw.

Syo pinned Komaru to the bed, tongue snaking up her throat slowly. The girl writhed beneath her and gave a whimper.

“I’m getting reeaaaallllyyy impatient, Dekomaru.” Syo spoke in a growled whisper, shaking her hips. The girl beneath her stared back, lust showing in her eyes. The older girl crawled forward. “I knoowww you’ve been giving Miss Morose some. It’s unfair.” Syo nipped at Komaru’s ear.

“Sooo, I guess you know what I’m asking huuhhhh?” Syo watched Komaru nod, the girl beneath her moving her hands to trail up her thighs slowly. However, she quickly froze. Something felt off.

“Syo?” At Komaru’s speaking, the older girl pulled away. She knew what felt wrong. She touched there.

“I-I’m not really in the mood anymore.” Syo said, looking a little off put. She knew Komaru could tell that wasn’t the full story, but she tried to write it off simply anyways. Better that than explain why…

“W-Was it the tallies..?” _Shit shit shit_. She felt them. But she wasn’t one to lie, unlike the person who she shared bodies with.

“Y-Yeah. I just, I don’t like remembering they’re there.” Syo spoke, uncharacteristically timid. Not long ago, she wore the scars proudly. But as Komaru had helped both her and Toko heal, the scars slowly became stark reminders of the person she had been. Someone who fought down any emotions other than rage, lust, and joy and felt like they had to kill to live.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Komaru spoke as she crawled up to Syo, gently kissing her cheek as she got close to the older girl again. “I’ll remember next time, okay?”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Syo spoke softly, “I know you didn’t know… It just feels bad when I’m trying to be better.” Komaru took one of Syo’s hands and rubbed the back of it gently.

“You are being better. What, you've only threatened me with scissors… one time after I confessed?” Komaru gave a short laugh at her own joke, earning a giggle from Syo. But it hurt a bit, knowing she had threatened Komaru’s life.

She had been doing so well, working on breaking down the many tendencies she had to mask how she felt deep down. One of those, unsurprisingly, was violence. Frankly, she had completely blocked how it all started, but she knew the majority of her murders were because she couldn’t handle the emotions. Knowing she and Toko had felt that way, only to receive abuse and torment. There was always a breaking point.

Hell, before Komaru and the two alters started dating, the poor girl had to talk a fear-rage fueled Syo from murdering Byakuya after the mental strain of feeling for such an unapologetically uncaring asshole had taken her to her limit.

However, the incident Komaru mentioned was different, and that’s the only way she was able to retain enough self-control to not make a big mistake. Instead of being afraid of abuse or torment, she was scared of the lack of it. Toko and Syo’s lives had been a never ending stream of mistreatment from others. Be it their peers, those they thought they could consider friends, or even their own parents. So the pure, genuine love Komaru felt for them was foreign, as frightening as being the constant target for the worst of humanity.

So she snapped. And even if no harm came to her partner, she still couldn’t forgive herself. She knew it shook Komaru to be threatened by someone so easily, despite giving nothing but love towards her. That’s what hurt the most; Komaru didn’t deserve it. Maybe her other victims didn’t deserve their fates either, but Komaru was special because she hadn’t even done anything harmful towards the system.

All she had done was said the words ‘I love you.’

That’s all it took to earn a pair of scissors close to her throat. She had done this before, back when they were still being manipulated by Nagito. But this was different, Komaru had no warning. And with Syo’s history, she knew the girl was terrified. She just closed her eyes, standing still as the metal hovered near her weak point. One swift cut away from death. She didn’t run, she seemed to accept her fate.

The scissors clacked as they hit the ground, Syo starting to shake herself. All she could manage to do was choke out a sorry and sheepishly hug Komaru. The younger girl supported her, only making her feel guiltier. She must have been terrified to be threatened by her girlfriend, she was the one who should be comforted. She didn’t deserve to have such a monster as her partner.

That was when she gave up her scissor holster and scissors to Komaru to stash away. She no longer wanted free access to them. If she needed them for patrols, Komaru could give her them. The thought of her scissors now made her sick. They were utensils used to kill tens of people, ones she used to carve the memory of their deaths into her thigh permanently, the one she nearly killed the only one who truly loved her with.

“Syo?” The older girl blinked, drawn back to the present by the soft voice she loved so dearly. Komaru sat in front of her, a concerned frown on her face. Syo shook her head dismissively.

“I’m fine.” It was a lie. She knew Komaru knew it was a lie. And that knowledge was confirmed as her brows furrowed. Had she been anyone else, Syo would’ve flinched, misinterpreting it as anger. But she knew her girlfriend was lost in her loving concern.

She crawled even closer, closing the gap between them with a firm hug. “I love you, Syo.” The older girl leaned into the contact gingerly. “I know you’re trying to get better. And you’re doing so, so well. I’m proud of you.” Syo gripped harder, crying slightly into her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“I love you too, ‘Maru. I don’t deserve you.” Syo nuzzled into Komaru’s shoulder. She could feel the gentle smile Komaru always gave her, not needing to see it to know it was there. The younger girl squeezed her gently.

“Yes you do, if anything I don’t deserve you. You are so willing to work past your trauma so you can be with me and I appreciate it so much every day.” She gave several kisses along Syo’s neck. Syo giggled playfully.

“And I appreciate your patience.” Syo blinked, tired weight coming into her eyes. She had forgotten how late it was, their earlier plans had made the time irrelevant. She gave a surprisingly soft yawn as she got more tired.

Komaru clearly noticed, giving a laugh of endearment. “Do you want to lay down?”

“Yeaaahhhhh.” Syo hummed, feeling more like herself again. Instead of waiting for a response or for Komaru to help her lay down, Syo pushed the other girl over and wrapped herself around her, a sly smile covering her face. The aforementioned girl giggled a little at the action. “G’niiiight Dekomaru!” Syo hummed, burying her face back into Komaru’s neck.

“Goodnight Syo,” Komaru buzzed, placing her last kiss for the night on Syo’s forehead.


End file.
